the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
