I puked a lego.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize