I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
