Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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