thus making me awesome and them whores
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
