i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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