sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
