i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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