so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
did i just pee glitter
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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