i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
