I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize