He told me they were just razor bumps!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
