New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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