sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
