I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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