How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
