East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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