Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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