I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
