I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
