When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
