I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
