I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
