Already got asked if we're dating
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
