he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
