I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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