guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Blood and glitter go together right?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
