you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I am naked and annoyed.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
