Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
