Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
