Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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