what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Randomize
