If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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