and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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