but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
