It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize