I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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