Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
