We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
