This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
