Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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