Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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