you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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