why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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