So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
