I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
