so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
