I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
