If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
