clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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