Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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