I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
