I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
