oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
