Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
