I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
this just has baby written all over it
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize