How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
