I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
As shirtless as possible
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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