pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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