wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
