the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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