Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
