her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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