Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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