Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
