whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
