dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
