piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
