When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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