i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
and you fell through a lawn chair
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
