My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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