Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize