So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
