Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
