Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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