Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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