____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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