I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
